22-23 February 2014. Batangas.
In my haste to let Zac explore the world, I forget that he is barely two years old. Maybe it's just my motherly instincts kicking in when I want the kid to see and experience what I am seeing and experiencing. Never mind if I woke him up at 4 o'clock in the morning so we could avoid the traffic at the South. Never mind if he wasn't able to sleep during the trip, and seemed tired upon arriving. Never mind if upon coming home, he had a bout of asthma.
But seeing my child cough at night and losing sleep over it made me resolve to slow down. I remind myself that Zac is just a year old. He has his whole life to discover the world, his playground. In the meantime, it's enough to let the kid play at his own pace, not mine.
I also realized, chasing after Zac at the grounds below our Loft Suite, that as much as I would want Zac to be with me all the time while he is still young, I also need time out for myself. It's true what they say - 'me' time keeps you sane. Being a working mom, I admit that I feel obligated to spend whatever time I have left for my son. I feel so much obligated that I get guilty when I visit the salon or go solo shopping. Yes, at one point and for the longest time, I neglected myself.
It was when my cousin pointed out that I look tired all the time even when I wasn't doing anything did I realize that I need a mommy break once in a while, and that I need not feel guilty about it. Keeping myself sane and healthy will eventually benefit my son.
But I had no regrets bringing Zac along with me on this trip. The kid had so much fun running around Punta Fuego's grounds. My weariness looking after him was washed away with each peal of laughter, with each look of awe. When he hit the beach, and he was so enamored by the rush of waves, the desire to explore the world with him was so strong that I am willing to wait. And when he clung to me, unsure of the friendliness of the waters, I realized then that I love my new role as Zac's mom.
Until our next adventure...